Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
