she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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