I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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