Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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