She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Im part way to drunk.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
