Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
