my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Blood and glitter go together right?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
