My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
