I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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