I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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