chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
that may or may not have been my penis.
Two words: nipple clamps
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