ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
