This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I'm bleeding and have questions
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
