i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
