omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
This is my gift to your gina
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
