So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
We are all done wearing pants today
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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