thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
