is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
