Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
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