i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
he thought i was a dude.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
