Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Randomize
