my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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