Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
