I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
