I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
