You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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