My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I could make wine with my vomit
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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