so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
