i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
i need some magic done to my vagina
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
