Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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