Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
