My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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