I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
