I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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