So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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