Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
