It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
