I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize
