i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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