Those balls look pretty dangerous.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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