Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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