I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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