i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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