Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
