She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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