I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
