Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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