I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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