OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
