why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
