my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
