i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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