Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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