do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
