go do what you do best...puke behind churches
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
