im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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