I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
