Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
