The maid of honor just puked.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
