I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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