remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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