I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
