apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
